


If I could save you

by orphan_account



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: M/M, Sad Ending, Time Loop AU, idk why ao3 insists his name is bott, ok, sad frotting boys
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-12-03
Updated: 2013-12-03
Packaged: 2018-01-03 07:43:08
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,835
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1067844
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Jean has been trapped in a time loop for nine years, each cycle ending in the death of Marco, the freckled boy who he has come to love more than just a friend. All he wants to do is save him, but he's starting to think that might not be possible</p>
            </blockquote>





	If I could save you

**Author's Note:**

> I wrote this for my friend Emi. She showed me this time loop comic that she found on pixiv and I completely fell in love with the idea. So... ofc I had to write something.
> 
> Also! Huge ty to my bb Lou for reading this over for me and fixing most of it (8

Jean didn't need to look at the calendar to know what day it was. He had lived this damn day too many times; he knew exactly how it began. The sun would sting his eyes; they would get out of bed, suited up, and no matter what Jean would do... Marco would die. 

He always did.

He turned in bed and stared at Marco's sleeping face. The freckled teen even smiled in his sleep, he never had a clue... he didn't know today would be his last. Jean could feel the tears already burning in the corners of his eyes. What else could he do? He was already the best with his gear, he could kill titans even better than Mikasa but he still couldn't do this one thing. 

He couldn't keep Marco alive past this day. 

He had tried everything possible. Every single thing he could think of to save Marco had failed and he had run out of ideas. By the end of the day, Marco would be dead, and Jean couldn't stop it from happening.

Jean wiped his tears quickly when Marco stirred. 

"Good morning," Marco yawned, sitting up and stretching his arms over his head the way he always did. "Time to get up, today's a big day."

"Hn," Jean grunted, reaching for Marco's hand. "Why don't we just... not go?" he offered, completely serious but not expecting much.

"What are you talking about?" Marco laughed lightly, squeezing Jean's hand, "You're the best fighter we have, you can't just not go."

Jean sat up, his brows furrowing together. "Why not?" he asked, the tears already threatening to pour over again, "What are we risking our lives for? We can't beat them all. Even if we succeed today, it'll never end!" Jean knew he was getting loud, but he didn't care. He was desperate.

"Jean," Marco said calmly. He placed his hands on Jean's shoulders and brushed his thumbs gently against them. "Calm down, I know we can beat them with you as our leader. We can beat them all; you just have to believe in yourself."

Jean shook his head from side to side, not fighting the tears that were running down his face. He had heard these words too many times, different situations but always the same thing. Marco believed in him, and he shouldn't. No one should, and Jean was the only one who knew how incapable he was. 

Before Jean could say another word, Marco was standing up from the bed and pulling on his uniform with a smile, "Come on, we can't be late."

His mind started racing, and his heart thundered against his ribs. Marco couldn't leave. Not yet. He needed more time. Three years wasn't enough. He needed just an extra minute, an extra second to think of a way. 

There had to be way.

A way to stop time.

Jean did the first thing he could think of and grabbed Marco's arm, yanking him back to bed. He pressed his lips hard against Marco's and pinned his hands above his head. Marco made a small sound of surprise underneath him, but he couldn't stop. He had to try something else, something new, something to keep Marco here with him. 

He needed Marco. 

If only for a little bit longer.

"Mmph, Jean…" Marco mumbled, kissing him back, "…gonna be late…"

_Good._

He kissed down Marco's jaw, and nosed at his neck, causing the freckled teen to shiver.

"Don't care," Jean mumbled into the soft skin at the base of his neck, "They can wait."

And they would. 

They could wait forever for all he cared. 

The whole fucking universe could just keep waiting because Jean wasn't giving Marco up, not yet. This moment was his. Jean _would_ have this moment. The universe would at least give him this.

He released Marco's hands and dragged his own down the length of Marco's chest, committing every detail to memory. He kissed back up to Marco's mouth and ran his tongue over the kiss swollen lips as he pushed under Marco's shirt. He didn't really know what he was doing, but he didn't want to think too hard about it, for the first time in nine years all he wanted to do was to stop thinking about how to save Marco. 

A carefree moment with the boy he loved was another thing the universe owed him.

He kissed Marco hard, letting his hand wander until it rested over Marco's heart. The feeling of Marco's heart beating sent chills up his spine, and he pressed his mouth into Marco's even harder. The kiss was definitely going to bruise but Jean couldn't get enough of it. Marco was in his arms, blushing, breathing, and so very alive. 

_Alive._

He never wanted this moment to end.

Jean's heart skipped a beat when Marco rolled his hips up into his own. 

"Marco…" Jean breathed against his boyfriend's lips. 

He ran his fingertips down Marco's side and pushed them under his waist band. 

"Mmmn," Marco hummed.  
Jean continued, wrapping his fingers around Marco's cock, actually surprised about how hard it already was. Marco's breathing sputtered and Jean smiled for what felt like the first time in years, "Still worried about being late?"

"Shut up," Marco laughed breathlessly, rocking his hips into Jean's hands.

Jean didn't waste a moment. He shimmied out of his own pants and grabbed for his own cock, rubbing them both together.

Marco threw his arms around Jean's neck with another breathless, "Jean!"

Jean pressed his forehead to Marco's, his hips rutting faster. "Marco, Marco, Marco," he repeated, looking down at his boyfriend. Marco's eyes were closed, and his freckled cheeks were stained red—god he looked so cute like this. 

Jean wanted to see it all. He wanted to keep seeing it. Forever. 

The feeling of Marco's cock on his made a hot shiver run down his spine and down into the pit of his stomach. He was already so close to cumming, and it wasn't fair. Nine years and he still couldn't last more than a couple of minutes in bed, embarrassing. He blamed it on the cute sounds Marco made. He always blamed it on Marco.

Luckily Marco didn't last that long either.

"Jean… I'm going to—!"

"Marco," Jean breathed, squeezing them together tighter, and grinding his hips harder, "Marco… I love you.”

Marco bit down on his lips and bucked upward as he came between the both of them, and Jean wasn't far behind. It only took one more roll of his hips before he came with a gasp. He collapsed onto Marco's chest and Marco laughed. A sound that warmed Jean's heart.

"I love you too."

His heart tightened and he grabbed Marco tight.

"Then stay with me," Jean whispered, his lips pressing against Marco's shoulder.

"What was that?" He asked, trying to take a peek at Jean's face.

Jean looked up at him, eyes serious, "Stay. Here. With me."

Marco sighed, "That again? Come on, Jean," he grabbed the sides of Jean's face, "Have some confidence in yourself! Now, let's go."

\---

Time was running out. 

They were dressed and equipped with their gear, ready to head out and Jean couldn't take a breath without thinking about how in only a matter of hours, Marco would be dead. He had bought them some time with his little stunt this morning, but apparently it hadn't been enough. The squad waited for them, and even though Jean had to sit through a completely new scolding, they were still being sent out.

If Marco went on this mission, he would surely die. Jean had to make sure that didn't happen. 

He had to.

He grabbed Marco's hand and tugged him back, a little harder than necessary. 

"You can't go."

Marco blinked and raised an eyebrow at Jean's words. "Is this about this morning? Jean remember we have to—" 

"No!" Jean screamed, his voice cracking as the familiar ball of tears rose in his throat. He didn't care if everyone was watching him make a scene. "You can't go. We can't go." 

"Jean," The boy whispered, worry clear in his voice. It was just like him to be worried for someone else when his life was on the line.

"We could run away," Jean said, pulling Marco closer, "We could just get out of here right now, away from the fighting and become civilians! We could just live happily and safely, and we don't have to deal with this, but we have to go _right now_ , Marco." 

Jean knew he sounded desperate but that's because he was. This was his last chance; he couldn't see Marco die again. He just could not do it. Marco looked at him like he might have just lost his mind and… he would probably be right. Jean had lost his mind. For years he has only lived with one goal in mind: Keep Marco alive and he failed every time. Not this time. He couldn't fail this time. 

"Please," Jean begged, falling to his knees, hands still gripping Marco's, "Let's just leave, right now. Run far away from all of this... we need to run... you need to…" he broke into a fit of sobs then, unable to finish his pleas. His vision blurred and he couldn't breathe. He knew he was gasping but no matter how much air he gulped down there just didn't seem to be enough. Images of Marco's corpse were flooding his mind and he was drowning in them. 

Marco squatted in front of him, ripping him from his thoughts, and pressed Jean's hands to his lips, "Jean... it's going to be okay. We can do it, with your leade—"

"Don't," Jean gasped, yanking his arms away from Marco's hands, "Just don't... say anything."

"Jean..."

"Shut up! Just... just get away from me!" Jean cried, holding his hand to his chest as if Marco's touch burned him. "Just... go... I can't stop you."

"See you later, okay?"

He didn't look up when he heard Marco walk away. 

The universe couldn't even give him a real goodbye. 

_See you later._

"No, you won't."

He didn't want to see him. He didn't want to know him. He just wanted to be alone. It was all too much. The thought of Marco dying again was tearing him apart. Every part of him ached and just wanted it to stop. He wanted it all to stop. No more. He would change the future by doing the one thing he had never tried.

He wouldn't go looking for Marco's body. 

If he woke up at the beginning of these three god forsaken years again he'd never go looking for Marco. Knowing him... loving him... and losing him was too painful. It was hell, and he refused to be a part of it anymore. He'd go out into the wilderness, isolate himself completely. If he never saw Marco Bodt again, that meant he'd never have to see him die, and at least he'd have that.


End file.
